As we sat on the couch waiting for the press conference to begin, I realized I had been listening to that ominous classical music on the Ohio Channel for far too long. It may be seared in my head for eternity. Could today really be the end of a long two-year journey? Will he veto? If he vetoes, we have yet another fight on our hands and we're all so mentally and physically exhausted.
This felt different than watching all the other live streams from Columbus. This one was even more personal. After years of emailing and calling our legislators only to be ignored when we asked to meet them and share our story, this past week was a breakthrough. Governor DeWine invited us to meet him at his home. He wanted to meet Allison and learn more about our family's experience as he made his final decision.
As we pulled into the drive, we saw Dolly first--the DeWine's adorable springer spaniel. I instantly felt calm--our kids would feel better with a dog around. We sat around the fireplace and Allison shared every painstaking detail of her story. Questioning her gender identity. Battling severe suicidal ideation. Not being able to envision her future. Years of self-harm. Finally having the courage to come out to save her own life. Mike and I shared our experience. How we doubted her at first. We hoped it was just a phase. We knew nothing about being transgender. How we feared for her life and for her safety. And then, how through family therapy and months of appointments with experts at Cincinnati Children's, we began to accept that this was her truth.
We spent over an hour with the Governor. I thanked him for his leadership during the pandemic and told him how eerily similar that time was with this moment. The misinformation swirling. The fear mongering. The politicization of a health issue that should have never been political. I told him that what I admired most about him was that despite all the noise, he followed the advice of doctors and scientists. And how desperately we needed him to do that now. We talked about our children's health challenges and how we trusted doctors to treat them for serious illness, brain tumors and seizures. Allison deserved the same. And we had a right to make these decisions as her parents just as we had for our other children.
He listened intently and asked a number of questions. He was respectful and gentle in his questioning. It was obvious he was listening to understand. As our time together ended, he extended a hand to Allison and held it, thanking her for her willingness to meet. He walked us to our car with Dolly trailing close behind as we talked about family Christmases, baseball, governing during a pandemic and his pizza oven (which had Connor's eye the moment we parked). As we pulled away from the farm, we heaved a collective sigh of relief.
I had hoped I would sleep better after we met, but sleep evaded me. I knew our hospitals and families had done absolutely everything possible to effect change and turn the tides. It was an incredible effort by so many across the state. We came out in the hundreds. We camped out in the statehouse. There were thousands of emails sent and voicemails left. Hundreds of hours of testimony shared. We outgunned the bill's proponents 10:1. But was it enough? The clock was ticking.
As Governor DeWine stood at the podium explaining his arduous examination process, our hearts were racing. For the first time in two years, we heard a government official speak truth to our collective experiences. There are no surgeries being performed on minors in the state of Ohio. Two-thirds of minors in the state receiving gender affirming care are not prescribed medication. Children's hospital physicians are treating gender dysphoria following stringent, multi-disciplinary practices but only in full consultation parents who must provide consent. Tears began flowing before we even heard him utter these words, "These are gut-wrenching decisions that should be made by parents and should be informed by teams of doctors who are advising them."
This tumultuous time has caused so much trauma for our trans kiddos and their families, and for all who have fought so hard to defeat this hateful bill. I don't think any one of us will be the same. As I shared with Governor DeWine, our lives are now measured in Before and After. Before we knew we had a transgender child, and after. As we sat together processing the veto and all that transpired this week, we agreed that we never imagined our lives would be this way, let alone the role we would play in fighting for trans kids and families. One thing we know for sure--Allison sets the example for us all. Watching her talk about her darkest times with the governor of our state was the most courageous thing I've ever seen her do other than transitioning. She is our inspiration to keep fighting. She never gives up. Neither will we.
We know this war isn't over. Ohio has a super majority and several legislators are already promising to override the veto. But today, we can breathe a little easier knowing we live to fight another day.
Governor DeWine--thank you for seeing us and for speaking truth about our experiences. Thank you for being so thorough in your research. Thank you for listening to our medical experts. Thank you for debunking the false narratives about surgeries on minors and doctors forcing meds on children. Thank you for having the courage to look beyond politics and the wishes of many in your own party. Thank you for putting the lives of Ohioans above special interests. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you.