There is so much misinformation circling the drain that is transphobia that it's starting to seep into our own LGBTQ+ community. As a society, the lines of truth and fact have been so blurred that you practically need a PhD to decipher fact from fiction.
I'll use this as an example--a fellow Mama Bear was attending a local Pride event in Ohio when she struck up a conversation with an "ally." Referencing the large crowd, she dreamt aloud that she wished all those attending would call or email the Ohio legislature and tell them to leave trans kids alone. The response she received was unexpected. "Well, I don't think kids know their gender. 5 and 6 is too young to decide." This person worked for an Ohio healthcare organization. And was at Pride as an ally.
The mistake we make is thinking that everyone wearing rainbows understands trans youth or gender affirming care. That is, in large part, why our family chose to live out loud. To educate, inform, and hopefully by being visible, open some hearts and minds. Here are the facts...
Being transgender is about how one identifies, not about medical or surgical transition. One can be transgender (and often is) without taking hormones, puberty blockers or having surgical procedures. For some, gender dysphoria (a state of severe distress caused by feeling that one's gender identity does not match one's sex as registered at birth) is so debilitating and life-threatening that medical intervention is sought in order to dramatically improve this condition.
Transgender children cannot give consent for medical intervention. Period. Parents must consent. Always. Additionally, transgender children/parents can't walk into a doctor's office and get puberty blockers or hormones. There are standards of care and mandatory waiting periods. These are the guardrails that already exist when treating children grappling with their gender identity.
Speaking of surgery--did you know that trans youth largely cannot and do not have surgery as minors in Ohio? It is true, in very rare instances, that if a parent believes that their child's mental health and physical safety are in dire jeopardy, they can seek surgical procedures but only parents can consent to treatment. And this largely only happens in the very late teen years--again in RARE instances. Never in young children or adolescents. Minors cannot seek or consent to surgical procedures. Most importantly--these surgeries do not take place in children's hospitals. Also, following WPATH standards of care* all transgender and non-binary people seeking surgery have to meet required levels of mental healthcare before any doctor will even discuss surgery--regardless of age.
Did you also know that parents can legally and freely seek plastic surgery for their cis-kids (non-trans kids) and no one dares speak of it? (I mean...it's no one's business regardless.) Think rhinoplasty (nose jobs) and breast augmentation. These are being performed on kids under 18 with no complaint or concern. Bills aren't being proposed in state legislatures over this.
All this talk of surgery is another misrepresentation--the vast majority of trans people never have surgery--not even adults. This is a fabrication to make folks envision some widespread amputation of body parts to make folks clutch their pearls in horror.
I could, and maybe should devote an entire blog post about parental decisions regarding intersex infants (infants born with both vaginas and penises). And yes, this happens and is more common than you think--roughly 2 of every 100 births in the United States**. Those parents are socially pressured to make impossible decisions when their babies are just hours old. This is never spoken about because of the trauma, embarrassment and most importantly the privacy regarding an impossibly complex issue. Banning gender affirming care also means that medical intervention is no longer available for them. Is society ready to educate children, caregivers, schools, etc. about girls with penises and boys with vaginas? See how complex this is?
Puberty blockers have been used safely for decades to treat precocious puberty (the rapid and early onset of puberty). They are safe, and they are reversible.
The use of puberty blockers and hormone therapy saves lives with minimal side effects. The accounts of children trying to hurt themselves because of life-threatening gender dysphoria are too numerous to mention. I can tell you from our experience that within weeks of beginning hormone therapy (at 17 years old), the sparkle returned to our suicidal child's eyes. She wanted to live again. We cared little for any potential side effects. The only thing that mattered to us is that our daughter would live.
And about side effects...have you watched TV lately? Have you read the warning labels on your meds? How about over-the-counter medication? Tylenol? If so you know that there are side effects for everything. Google "side effects for chemotherapy in children" and you will not be able to sleep tonight. But would you choose not to seek chemo for your 6 year old with leukemia? Of course you wouldn't. You'd do whatever it took to save them. So would we as parents of trans kids. So do we.
Having these conversations is so important as we continue to fight for our right to seek gender affirming care for our high-risk transgender children. These aren't easy decisions. Parents like us agonize for days, weeks, months, years before taking action and seeking medical intervention. For us, we waited more than 2 years from the first time we knew Allison questioned her gender identity before making an appointment at the gender clinic. And it was another year before she started hormones. We researched, we discussed, we fret, and for us, we prayed. A lot.
Thank you for coming to my Ted talk. Now spread the word.
*The World Professional Association for Transgender Health promotes the highest standards of health care for individuals through the articulation of Standards of Care (SOC) for the Health of Transsexual, Transgender, and Gender Nonconforming People. The SOC are based on the best available science and expert professional consensus. wpath.org