Moments ago, the Ohio House of Representatives voted to override Governor DeWine's veto of HB 68--the gender affirming care ban. The votes came down strict party lines. The live stream was torture, and I questioned whether I should watch. The reality is, we're living this nightmare along with so many other families, so ignoring what's happening is not really an option.
As the constant stress and trauma of fighting this level of government-sponsored hate is taking its toll on me physically, I am now paying particular attention to my physical and mental health. I will do my family no good if I'm no longer here to fight for them. I lit a favorite candle, hit the mute button when the vitriol became too much, and texted friends, family and allies. And, yes, spit several curse words at the screen along with a notable finger or two.
As I was meditating and thinking about how to redirect my thoughts, I was reminded of a blog post from this summer, Love > Fear, and I wanted to share some of it again today. Especially today. Take care, dear ones. Put your oxygen mask on first. Breathe first so that you can continue to care for your family and your precious, precious trans loved ones. Look for the love and milestones in your own homes and your own journeys. The government can't legislate LOVE.
I want to speak directly to the weary trans families reading this--even when we have to travel to our state capitals time and again to testify against gender affirming care bans, even on the days when we are forced to share our most private thoughts, feelings and experiences as trans parents in the hopes of changing hearts and minds, even on the daily when we hear of new laws, new bills, new ways to wipe our kids from existence--it's worth it. IT'S. ALL. WORTH. IT.
To see Allison living her life and experiencing the normal highs and lows of early adulthood is something I wouldn't trade for any other life. How many parents can say that their child found their way, their purpose and their truth at such a young age? Our kids are forced to grow up so fast. I haven't yet met a trans kid who didn't have a wise, old soul. These kids know who they are. Full stop.
In case you need a reminder--when fear tries to steal your comfort and yes, your sleep--please remember, dear ones, what fear and its evil twin, hate, can't take.
Your first Pride
The bright smile you haven't seen in years
Her first Prom
Hearing hysterical laughter lofting upstairs as she watches a movie with her brothers
The look on her face when she comes out from the dressing room in clothes that fit her new curves perfectly
Listening to her hopes and dreams for the future--one she never thought she'd live to see
The note you receive from her new teacher telling you what a joy she is to have in class and how much her participation adds to the discussion
The day you receive the court orders legally changing her name and the gender marker on her birth certificate
The call when she gets her dream job--the one she told you about when she was little
The excited text when she gets her first paycheck
Moving her into her first apartment
Picking up her girlfriend at the airport and seeing the sheer joy on her face when she's with the one her heart loves
The sound of her singing in the shower
When she calls just to say hi and share about the dinner she made
Every day she wakes up because your worst fears were that one day she wouldn't
Love is greater than Fear. Every minute of every hour of every day. Hold tightly to those smiles my friends.