I was today years old* when I first learned of Dylan Mulvaney, TikTok star and the brilliance behind “365 Days of Being a Girl.” I know, it’s truly shocking–how did I miss her?? (And thanks to the beer company that shall not be named, most of the world knows who she is, or at least they think they know her. But I guaran-damn-tee you they don’t.)
So, here’s the thing and why it took me so long to discover her magic…I have a love-hate-sometimes like relationship with social media so I am NOT a Tik-Tokker. One less social media channel the better, ya know? Plus the amount of trans hate online right now is just. too. much.
So, back to Dylan! You can find her brilliance on Instagram and TikTok @dylanmulvaney and thank me later. Raised in San Diego, California, Dylan graduated from the University of Cincinnati's College Conservatory of Music in 2019 and then secured a role in the Book of Mormon on Broadway. It was during Covid that she revealed she's transgender and began documenting her transition on TikTok.
She posted videos every day of her first year of transition–the raw hard days and the euphoric days of finally living as her true self. For this Mama Bear, it was like reliving that time in our lives. If only I had a Dylan to help me understand things like tucking.
When I first learned of her BBL (Before {insert beer company}) I spent the entire day watching every one of her videos. And while I’m now clearly obsessed with her awesomeness, I’m also terrified for her.
Being visible as a trans person is not only courageous, it's also terrifying and can be dangerous. We experienced this as well, albeit on a much smaller scale. When Allison was a national ambassador for Children's Miracle Network, her picture was on displays at national chains like WalMart and Speedway, and was printed on General Mills boxes and Dr. Pepper bottles just to name a few. Naively, we were living in a bubble feeling as though the world was finally accepting her. But that was short-lived. The haters and the stalkers found us on social media. People can say the most heinous, meanest, most hurtful things hiding behind a keyboard. Those experiences caused me to delay launching Grace Changes Things for years.
Dylan Mulvaney and other visible trans folk inspired me to get out there despite all of the vitriol. After all, isn't that what hate wants? They want us to be quiet. What Dylan has done by sharing her most vulnerable days with the world is what I’m hoping to do with this blog. To show up. Support trans families during the darkest period ever. Help educate those wanting to learn about trans youth and trans issues. Prove that trans people aren’t going anywhere and neither are the people fighting for them.
Dylan's experience is just one example of how trans people are so easily vilified and it's intensifying. They are often treated like monsters--not human beings--and this fuels anti-trans violence in epidemic proportions. According to the Transgender Law Center, the United States is ranked third in the world for violent deaths of trans and non-binary people, falling just behind Brazil and Mexico. LGBTQ+ people are also being exploited and then casually discarded under the guise of acceptance. Leading up to Pride month especially, corporations jump on the rainbow-draped wagon in favor of profits, but at the first sign of backlash, they abandon the LGBTQ+ community faster than you can say beer. Or Target. (Yeah, they're guilty too.)
Dylan's recent video about what happened to her at the hands of BL is so important and worth a watch (see below). This kind of bullying of trans people reinforces the perception that they are "other." They are dehumanized to justify how they're treated. Dylan is someone's child. Allison is our child. They are loved. Adored. And all they want is what every human desires--to pursue their dreams, to laugh, to love, to hang out with friends, and for the love of God, to be safe. Just be safe. Is that really too much to ask?
Stay strong my dear, dear Dylan! Don't let them hide your sparkle or steal your joy. You have a host of Mama (and Papa) Bears who love you and we're ready to sharpen our claws. Love ya!
*I began writing this blog post before our website was live, and also before the whole Bud Light controversy. I worried endlessly about Dylan, her safety and her mental heath. If that sounds weird--to worry about someone I don't know--believe me when I tell you that this isn't just about Dylan. It's a reflection of the danger all trans people are in--including our daughter.